


Whichever Way Her Hair Lays

by hopeless_eccentric



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Character Study, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Femslash February, Femslash February 2021, Fluff, Light Angst, Love, Self Confidence Issues, Tenderness, basically the process of realizing Vespa loves THIS buddy not just her memories of buddy, but also hurt/comfort yknow, can i just tag love this is just. yknow. it's just about love and loving, falling back in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:07:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29254965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopeless_eccentric/pseuds/hopeless_eccentric
Summary: Loving Vespa was not a difficult thing. Much of the Vespa that Buddy knew and loved had remained, and every new piece of her was a reminder that she was a living, breathing, fluid person, rather than the stiff and loveless creation of Buddy’s dreams. She still had the same laugh, even if it showed itself less often. Even if she held onto Buddy as tight as she could if she wanted to be held at all, the position was still the same, and she still hummed pleasantly when Buddy pressed a kiss to the top of her head.Loving Vespa Ilkay was easy. Being loved by her was something different altogether.Essentially a character study about Buddy's confidence issues and the idea of falling back in love with someone who's changed without you. enjoy some light hurt/comfort!
Relationships: Buddy Aurinko/Vespa Ilkay
Comments: 19
Kudos: 35
Collections: The Penumbra Podcast Femslash February 2021!





	Whichever Way Her Hair Lays

**Author's Note:**

> hey all!! this one's sweet hope you all enjoy!
> 
> Content warnings for mentioned ageism, im not quite sure how to phrase it but canon-typical buddy's feelings about her radiation scars, unreality mention

There were many nights when Buddy Aurinko was unsure if Vespa knew the woman who shared her bed. Of course, they went about the same old routines of courtship they always had. Buddy used the same pet names and Vespa still stroked her thumb over the back of Buddy’s hand. They occupied the same spaces as those naive shooting stars who took the shape of a pair of women.

Perhaps all they shared with Buddy and Vespa, Vespa and Buddy, were outlines, mere ghosts of their blaze of former glory. However, Buddy was determined to love whatever color filled in the outline of the woman she once knew.

It was not a difficult thing. Much of the Vespa that Buddy knew and loved had remained, and every new piece of her was a reminder that she was a living, breathing, fluid person, rather than the stiff and loveless creation of Buddy’s dreams. She still had the same laugh, even if it showed itself less often. Even if she held onto Buddy as tight as she could if she wanted to be held at all, the position was still the same, and she still hummed pleasantly when Buddy pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

Loving Vespa Ilkay was easy. Being loved by her was something different altogether.

Sensibly, Buddy knew that the logic she applied to loving Vespa should also apply to herself. There was no shame in being a different person than the one who had laughed and assured Vespa that nothing could ever part them all those years ago. She had lived significantly more life, and as such, life had taken its toll.

Aging was not Buddy’s issue. She needed no confidence to admit that she had made time itself her stooge.

The problem did not lie in the fact that she looked older, but rather, that she looked far different from the woman Vespa had fallen in love with in the first place. 

“Dammit,” Buddy hissed under her breath as an exhaustion-worn hand slipped, sending her pin clattering into the sink’s basin once more.

Hair, Buddy had learned, was a terrible artform, merely normalized by the fact that the vast majority of people had to deal with it frequently. It was duplicitous on a good day, and on a bad day, it was the reason she had dragged herself from bed several hours too many before a family meeting, just for the sake of pulling it over her synthetic eye in a way that almost looked like a style she might have worn back when loving Vespa Ilkay had not been muscle memory.

It was foolish to suggest Vespa might need to fall in love with her again. She had made it clear that there was never a falling out of love that needed to be fixed in any way, shape, or form. However, none of Buddy’s efforts could shake the cold, dry lump at the back of her throat that was constantly certain that Vespa loved the idea of her. Vespa loved the shape of her shadow, rather than the woman who cast it.

Buddy cleared her throat, shook her head, and forced her mind back to the present. She had no reason to worry about problems she would almost certainly be wasting her time on later. For the time being, all she needed to do was fix her mutinous hair so it would nearly cast the same shadow as that of the woman she had once been.

If there was one thing that had not changed since she and Vespa first met, it was her inability to hide anything from her partner. One moment, Buddy was staring a pair of mismatched daggers into her reflection, while the next, her view was interrupted by a gentle hand upon her shoulder and the sight of an all too familiar face behind her, wearing concern atop her sleepwear.

“Bud,” Vespa started, voiced groggy with sleep. “You’ve got a hell of a day today. You should come back to bed.”

“It’s far too late now, Vespa,” Buddy insisted. “I can’t exactly coerce my body into doing what’s best for me once it’s already decided against that route.”

“Like you didn’t set an alarm,” Vespa snorted, though there was something distinctly sympathetic about her fondness. “If it’s gonna take a doctor’s order to get you to go take care of yourself, I’ll give you one, but I really don’t think either of us want me playing doctor when we could just—y’know—talk about it instead.”

“I need time to prepare for the meeting, that’s all,” Buddy swallowed, jabbing the pin back into her hair and huffing when it didn’t lay quite right.

“You were up all last night,” Vespa protested with a yawn. Buddy’s urge to tell her to return to bed and get her own rest became more and more despicable when she rested her head upon Buddy’s shoulder, wrapped her arms around her waist, and sighed. “You’re about as prepared as you could be. Besides, it’s just a meeting.”

“An introductory meeting, darling,” Buddy insisted. “Such things are of terrible importance.”

“You’ve already met everyone on the ship,” Vespa smiled through the kiss she pressed to the base of Buddy’s neck.

“I’ve barely had enough time to say I properly know Rita, and I’ve yet to make all of you play nice with one another,” Buddy huffed.

“Is Steel still pissed I stabbed him?” Vespa snorted.

“Vespa,” Buddy started, though her thought was broken away by fondness when Vespa burst out into a sweet, domestic laugh that Buddy felt she almost deserved.

“I’m just kidding, Bud.”

“I should hope so.”

The fact of the matter was that Buddy hoped to impress her crew, especially Vespa. She wanted to put on an easy display of confidence and leadership the way she had back before she counted her life in days and weeks and years since the event that had so cruelly torn Vespa from her arms.

“If you’re having that much trouble with your hair, I could always help.”

“No,” Buddy started, far too quickly. She cleared her throat and tried again. “I don’t need help. Thank you for your offer, darling, but—”

“Bud,” Vespa started again, reaching an arm around to squeeze her hand. “If I can’t get you back to bed, just let me do this, okay?”

Buddy swallowed, her heart all but stopping at the realization that she was at an utter loss for words. However, that meant she had no protests when Vespa took her by the hand with two quick squeezes, a silent code that they had decided on a million years ago. Buddy did not have to ask if she meant it, for when Vespa sat them down side by side on the ledge of the bath, the first thing she did was brush the hair out of Buddy’s eye to kiss her forehead.

“How do you want your hair?” She started, words muffled as she began to pile bobby pins into her mouth to free her hands.

“The way I used to wear it, darling,” Buddy swallowed. “But over the eye, if that’s something you can manage.”

Vespa frowned, brow knit.

“I dunno how possible that is, Bud,” she mumbled, pausing a moment to drop the pins into one hand. “Do you usually wear it that way?”

“No, I—” Buddy broke off to shake her head. “It’s nothing you should waste your time worrying about, especially when you could be getting your sleep.”

“Too awake to go back,” Vespa shrugged. “If you don’t wanna talk about it, that’s fine, I just need to know how to help you, or if I even can.”

“I haven’t worn my hair the way I used to in quite some time,” Buddy admitted. “I will warn you, if it’s too early for a terrible conversation—”

Vespa shook her head, concern heavy in her sleep-worn eyes. After a long pause in which she squeezed Buddy’s hand, Buddy managed to find the air to continue.

“I was worried you had—” Buddy broke off for a breath, “fallen in love with the idea of me. You only knew who I was, so I’ll have to admit, there’s still a part of me that’s horrified you might not like who I’ve become.”

“Oh, Bud,” Vespa breathed, her hand coming up to cup the cheek Buddy tried her damndest to keep hidden.

“I told you, it was a hideous thought,” Buddy tried her best to wash the comment away with cold laughter. 

Vespa chewed her lip and furrowed her brow in the way she stared down disobedient injuries, as if the gears of her mind were trying desperately to whir towards the direction of a solution. Buddy couldn’t help the bitter wave of fondness that rose in her chest at the realization.

“Buddy,” she started, words as soft as Buddy might have ever heard them. “Do you remember when we were playing cards the other day and you won?”

“I don’t see what that has to do—”

“You never used to win,” Vespa pressed.

“I’ll be sure to let you cheat next time, darling.”

Vespa shook her head.

“That’s not my point. You never used to win, but you won that time, and you won pretty damn well too. And I loved that,” Vespa smiled, squeezing her hand once more. “You know what kind of person has the most consistent vitals?”

Buddy raised an eyebrow.

“A dead one,” Vespa finished with a snort, though her voice fell as she pressed forwards. “You’re not the same woman I fell in love with, and that’s okay. It means you’re alive.”

Vespa paused to swallow, taking a deep breath before finishing.

“It means you’re real.”

“Vespa, I—” Buddy started, her words wilting in the back of her throat.

“Do you want me to fix your hair now?” Vespa offered with a smile.

“I love you,” Buddy breathed.

“And I love you too, Bud,” Vespa returned with a smile, just as soft and sweet and lopsided as ever, even if there was something new and heavy in her eyes. “I love you whatever you look like now. Even if you wear your hair a different way.”

“Speaking of which,” Buddy smiled, knowing she could never repay the weight of the words in kind. “I’m afraid I’ve lost precious time for my hair on this heart to heart of ours, however much I’ve enjoyed your company.”

Vespa chuckled at that, still shaking her head fondly as she stuck the pins between her teeth once more and reached for a comb.

“Alright, just walk me through how you like it,” she smiled.

“Over the eye, if you don’t mind,” Buddy sighed. “I know, I ought not to—”

“I think you’re beautiful whatever way you wear it,” Vespa started. “But that doesn’t change what makes you the most comfortable. If you want it over the eye, it goes over the eye.”

“Thank you, darling.”

Vespa grabbed the bobby pins and leaned forward to kiss her cheek goodbye before getting to work on her hair, humming away and pausing to murmur sweet nothings and fond memories and gentle reassurances that Buddy was loved in present tense.

If this was what it was like to be loved by Vespa Ilkay, Buddy supposed it was not so difficult after all.

**Author's Note:**

> YEEHAW WOMEN!!
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading!! Make sure to SMASH that kudos button and leave a comment down below or ill make sweet and tender love to your mother
> 
> Check me out on tumblr @hopeless-eccentric or on twitter @withane22 !!


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